


Kissing Crisis

by Sambrael



Category: Miraculous Ladybug
Genre: April Fools' Day, F/M, First Kiss, Friends With Benefits, Multi, Platonic Kissing, Pranks and Practical Jokes, Rating May Change, Texting
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-07-19
Updated: 2019-10-29
Packaged: 2020-07-08 08:20:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 7,439
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19866439
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sambrael/pseuds/Sambrael
Summary: Adrien opens his phone after a marathon photo session to a long text rant from distraught Marinette. She's almost eighteen and never even been kissed! How could Adrien help her with this particular crisis. What's a friend to do? And does the fact that it's April 1st factor into any of this?





	1. Happy April Fool's Day. Jerk.

Adrien flopped into a boneless heap on the couch in his dressing room. Posture be damned, he was tired after a six-hour photo session and he just wanted a minute to veg before hitting the shower to remove all the make-up and product caked onto his face and hair. Reaching into his bag, he fished out his phone to see if Nino was still up for hanging out this afternoon after fencing practice, but paused when he saw the “16 new text messages” notification on his home screen.

Due to the tight control his father kept over who had his personal cell number, he rarely had more than three or four new messages, even after a long session like this one. Most of his friends knew that if he didn’t answer right away, he would as soon as he was allowed back his phone and blowing up his messages wouldn’t expedite his replies anyway. Did a new ad campaign hit and he didn’t get the memo? Nah, usually when that happened, it was more like sixty-five new messages. He unlocked the phone and opened up the message app.

One message from Nino.

**Nino [11:30]: He dude, call me when you’re free and we’ll hang out.  
**

Two messages from Nathalie notifying him of schedule adjustments for the afternoon and when she expected him to check in from his newly-approved “peer recreation time” with Nino.

And thirteen messages from Marinette Dupain-Cheng. Huh.

Other than group chats where the gang would coordinate activities or discuss homework, Adrien couldn’t recall a time Marinette had ever texted him. He felt a brief flash of panic, wondering if she was in trouble and he hadn’t been there for her. Surely, she knew about his modeling shoot this morning, as they’d had to reschedule a group history project because of it. He quickly opened the thread.

**Marinette [10:06]: I see you deleted our entire chat history. Happy April Fool’s Day to you, too. Jerk.**

What? Adrien’s brow furrowed in confusion.

**Marinette [10:06]: But seriously, I’m having an existential crisis right now and I need your help.**

Poor Marinette, she could get so wound up about things. He remembered how flustered she got when she didn’t think her hat would perform well at the fashion show. He immediately forgave her for the rude name calling. Adrien hoped he could help his friend out with whatever was troubling her.

**Marinette [10:08]: You realize I turn 18 this month, right? I mean, I’m going to be an _adult_ and I’ve never even kissed a guy! What am I going to do when I go to university and get my first real boyfriend? What if I go to university and DON’T get a boyfriend? What if I turn twenty-five and still haven’t kissed someone else? I mean, how embarrassing would it be to get my first boyfriend at thirty and have to admit that I’ve never even been kissed??! At what point is it too embarrassing to get over that and I’ll just end up an old, un-kissed lady, living alone in my attic until they find me buried under a mound of fabric? **

Okaaayyyy, there was a lot to unpack here. He could practically hear her rambling this out, wringing her hands, completely oblivious to how cute she was. He knew she sometimes had a crisis of confidence, but he never realized that she didn’t think she was kissable. Practically every unattached guy (and a few who were neither unattached nor guys) was interested in the Adorable Marinette. But how to convince her? He'd heard enough empty praise in his life (investors and photographers, not actual ... fathers or anything), he hoped when it was time to be on the _giving_ side of the praise, it would come across more sincere and honest. At least he would be speaking from a place of truth.

**Marinette [10:10]: I need to get my kissing game on. I need to get a real kiss before my birthday or I’ll never find true love and will definitely die alone.**

Adrien snorted to himself. In spite of his heartfelt concern for his friend, the only way Marinette would die alone was if her father beat off all her suitors with a rolling pin (or bean stalk) for the next twenty-odd years.

**Marinette [10:11]: I don’t even know where to start. I mean, is it too late to have a first kiss? I feel like maybe it is. Maybe I need to practice up for this so I don’t embarrass myself, IF I ever even get to that point with someone I want to kiss.**

Adrien surely hoped that 18 wasn’t the magical cutoff for being too late for a first kiss, because his birthday was a few months ago, and unless you count two kisses that he didn’t remember (blasted akuma, blasted Ladybug Cure), he was in the same boat as Mari. The same sad, lonely, un-kissed boat. Sigh.

**Marinette [10:14]: How did you get good at kissing before your first kiss? Did you practice? I mean, I’ve practiced on my arm, but it’s not like I can get pointers and feedback.**

Adrien snorted again. Marinette must be under the same impression that he actually went on dates and had romantic attachments to the steady rotation of plus-one models he escorted to charity events and fashion shows. He wondered briefly if Nino and Alya had the same misconception. He thought he was more transparent with his friends than with the media tabloids, but thinking back, he didn’t think he actually ever really talked about those things with them. When he was hanging with his friend, it was like he didn’t have to think about charity balls and publicity stunts, so the subject of his love life (or lack thereof) never really came up.

He made a mental note to disabuse them of the notion that he was a Casanova playboy when they hung out this afternoon, assuming they joined in with him and Nino.

**Marinette [10:20]: Ok, fine, as much as I hate to ask, would you make out with me? I mean, I really need to be on point for when it really matters and I trust you to tell me the truth if I’m really bad at it.**

Adrien dropped his phone. Scrambling to pick it up with unreasonably unsteady fingers, he scrolled back to the last message he’d read, his mind reeling. Make out with Marinette? Granted, the idea had appeal. She was beautiful and had those delicate pink lips that looked so adorable when she would smile softly or stick her tongue out when she was concentrating. Since when can you visualize Marinette’s lips so perfectly, Adrien? Well, maybe-maybe-not he’d thought about it a time or two…

**Marinette [10:21]: Not like “I hate to ask” because making out with you would suck, just I figure you’ll never let me hear the end of it.**

Let her hear the end of it? What was he, some kind of creepy conquest playboy? He felt he was being put to a double standard – she was making assumptions about all the girls he’d apparently kissed, and yet none of them were substantiated (because they were imaginary) and yet somehow she was accusing him of kissing and telling?

**Marinette [10:23]: You know you want to. You said so last week at Kim’s party. I mean, you were kindof buzzed, but you totally tried to make out with me. You weren’t so drunk you don’t remember.**

Adrien’s eyes bugged out. He remembered that party. He _remembered_ that party, every minute of it, or so he thought. He’d had a drink or two, sure, but not nearly enough to forget something like _that._ Even if public drunkenness wasn’t strictly forbidden by Father, Adrien knew better than to get blackout drunk around a bunch of his friends with phones in their pockets. The great Max-Alix-Sabrina scandal of last Fall should serve as a reminder to anyone at risk of making a similar mistake. He distinctly remembered (ok, fuzzily remembered, maybe it was three or four drinks) almost every moment of that night and nowhere did it involve trying to kiss Marinette. Well, there was the dancing. They’d danced, right? Something about him saying she … smelled good? It’s not his fault his miraculous gives him a heightened sense of smell even out of the suit. She was super giggly, which he remembered being adorable at the time. But there wasn’t any kissing. Had he maybe nuzzled her? He sometimes lost track of when his cat tendencies bled over into inappropriate social interactions among friends. Do friends nuzzle? Would that be ok? Maybe if they were practicing kissing, a little nuzzling would be ok, right?

**Marinette [10:30]: Why aren’t you answering? Are you with Nino?**

She knew he was at this photo shoot, right? He re-checked the group chat discussing the rescheduled history project session, noting that everyone checked in to note the new time. Huh, maybe she forgot.

**Marinette [10:32]: Oh, you don’t think Nino will get jealous, do you? I mean, he can watch if he wants, I guess. Does that make it weird? Would it be weirder if he watched? Would he want to join in?**

At this rate, Adrien would need a new phone with the frequency of times it hit the ground. Grateful the screen didn’t crack, he puzzled over this suggestion. Would Nino get jealous if he and Mari had a friends-tutoring-friends make-out session? I mean, Nino had Alya, so what was there to be jealous about? Honestly, he was more concerned about Alya being jealous if Nino did join in and why was he even entertaining this entire idea oh shit did he really want to make out with Marinette?

**Marinette [10:40]: Ugh, fine, I’m not texting you anymore until you re-charge your phone or find it in the bottom of your bag, or whatever, because I KNOW you aren’t straight up ignoring me after I offered to have a threesome make-out session with you and Nino.**

… His eyes kept rolling over the words “threesome make-out session with you and Nino” until he realized _breathing_ was nice and took a gasp of air.

**Marinette [11:02]: Call me.**

Adrien’s hands were shaking and he wasn’t sure if it was from gripping the phone so hard or if he was gripping the phone so hard to keep his shaking hands from dropping it. There was no way he would be able to call her. What would he even say? What did he want to say? Did he even have a voice anymore? What was going on?? Either his good friend Marinette was having an existential crisis and looking for some outside-the-box solutions to what was realistically a complete non-issue, or … he scrolled back up to the first message.

**Marinette [10:06]: I see you deleted our entire chat history. Happy April Fool’s Day to you, too. Jerk.**

Or she was absolutely messing with him. Ah, April first, the day of pranks and practical jokes. Sure, he'd been in public school for a few years now, but it always caught him a bit by surprise the things his friends would do to mess with each other one special day every year. But, thinking back, Marinette was never involved in messing with him. Sure, she sometimes got her words mixed up and said silly non-sensical things (didn’t she once say she would “take a coleslaw home”?), but she usually got so flustered afterwards that it obviously wasn’t intentional and usually just ended up being adorably awkward. Intentionally messing with someone for a practical joke just really wasn’t her style. Even on April Fool’s Day. Nino, maybe. Alya, definitely. But not Marinette.

Wait … suddenly, he was 100% sure possibly Nino or possibly Alya, probably both, were totally messing with him. Nino had borrowed his phone the other day, right? He wanted to pull up a video and his own phone battery was low or something. Or something that was probably a total ruse to get into his phone and mess with his contacts. So probably definitely Nino and maybe probably Alya were pranking him, pretending to be Marinette and asking to make out with him. Oh man, he’d give good money to bed it was Alya’s idea to suggest a three-some make-out session with Nino.

Well, two could play at this game. Adrien felt a thrill of glee at finally (finally!) being in a position to participate in this ridiculous holiday with a little tit-for-tat. Slumping father down onto the couch, he pondered his response strategy.


	2. The Battle of Wits Has Begun

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Adrien decides to participate in the April Fools joke through a battle of wits. Could he get Nino (and probably Alya) to admit to their little joke before the group meets up later?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And for the next installment of “I Really Should Be Doing a Project For Grad School But This Seemed More Fun”  
> Rating changed for language, because I apparently can't not swear when I write.

Ok, where to start? Adrien pulled up Nino’s text, the one from his phone.

**Adrien [12:22]: Hey dude, I’ve got fencing until 1430 and then have free time until 1700. Can we meet up at like 1600, though? I need to help Marinette with a little problem first.**

Adrien snickered to himself. That should convince Nino that he’d taken the bait and leave him free to mess with him (probably _them_ ) until the smackdown confrontation this afternoon. That is, unless he can get them to own up to the prank over text. He looked down at the time and decided to text while Gorilla drove him to fencing. He could shower there before practice. Throwing his duffel bag over his shoulder, he made his way to the car, pulling out his phone as he settled in for the ride. Time to engage in the Battle of Wits.

He pulled up “Marinette’s” texts.

**Adrien [12:29]: Hey, got your texts. Sorry, I didn’t have my phone on me all morning. TOTALLY wasn’t ignoring you. You’re definitely my #1 priority now, so I’m all yours.**

A notification from Nino chimed.

**Nino [12:30]: Ooh, is Mari ok? Anything I can help with?**

Adrien laughed at Nino’s audacity. Yeah, you wish, dude. Did Nino really want Adrien to straight up admit that “Mari” wanted to have a threesome make-out session with the two of them?

**Adrien [12:31]: Oh, nothing I can’t handle between just the two of us. We can meet up with you and Alya afterwards and I can fill you in on all the details.**

“Mari” chimed back, he switched over.

**Marinette [12:31]: Hey, so I’m not freaking out anymore. I took a nice long bath and am all snuggled up in my favorite fluffy robe and curled up with a nice cup of tea and biscuits.**

Of course, those clowns wanted Adrien to think of Marinette relaxing in a nice bath … with bubbles. Because imagining her stepping out of the bathtub and into nothing but a soft, fluffy robe would be completely inappropriate friend thoughts, those jerks. Hmm … did she take her pigtails down when she bathed or leave them up? She was so cute with her hair in a towel turban that time they snuck into that movie theater together … maybe she’s got her hair pulled into a towel now. Snuggled up on her pink chaise lounge, curled around a steaming mug of tea, maybe a little biscuit crumb falling off her lower lip and slipping down her robe…

_Wait, that’s what they WANT you to be thinking about, Agreste! Keep your head in the game!_

There was no bath, no robe, no biscuits. Just Nino and Alya snickering into one of their phones. Ok, time to engage.

**Adrien [12:39]: I’m glad you had a chance to relax. You sure sound cozy there. Want any company? We could snuggle and I’m totally craving some tea and biscuits. Maybe watch a movie on your laptop…**

Maybe snuggling turns into something cozier... Adrien tried to think of the most romantic rom-coms to suggest.

**Marinette [12:40]: Oh, I thought you were hanging out with Nino. Aren’t we meeting up as a group this afternoon? We could hang out together after everyone else goes home. Maybe you could sleep over.**

Wow, that escalated quickly. Those two must really be fishing for a reaction. Hmm, how would Adrien react to Marinette inviting him to make-out and stay the night? Probably with “ghghia jfdshuigavn qwu geiotnv!”

Scratch that. Ok, how would Cool Cassanova Adrien react to Marinette inviting him to make-out and sleep over afterwards?

**Adrien [12:43]: I was gonna suggest maybe getting together _before_ the whole gang gets together, but I’m starting to like your idea more ;) That is, if you don’t mind me thinking about your little suggestion the whole afternoon and thinking of what kind of ground we can cover with the whole night together**

Adrien could just imagine Nino and Alya spending all afternoon watching to catch Hot and Bothered Adrien make eyes at Marinette, who would of course be her sweet, oblivious self, unaware that her friend was thinking wholly unwholesome thoughts all afternoon. As much as fun as it would be to mess with those two fools in person, it was probably better to get them to own up to their prank early and save Marinette the awkward hang-out time of them laughing at her behind her back all afternoon.

**Marinette [12:45]: Maybe that whole kissing thing isn’t such a good idea after all. I mean, when you put it like that, I’m going to be thinking of kissing, too, and you know _who else_ will be there. And you know when I’m around a Certain Someone, my mouth has no filter and something is bound to slip out. **

Yeah, Marniette never could keep secrets from Alya, that girl is like a bloodhound for juicy gossip and shenanigans. Especially since she’s the one instigating the shenanigans in the first place. She would probably try and get Adrien to blurt something about kissing just to make Marinette blush. His phone chimed again before he could come up with a good battle plan.

**Marinette [12:45]: Besides, from the sounds of it, this is gonna make things weird between us. Let’s just forget the whole thing and we can just watch movies and paint our toenails.**

Pulling back so quickly, Adrien was getting whiplash. What was their play, here? Did they want to see him beg?

**Adrien [12:46]: Maybe things don’t have to be weird. We can be mature about this, right? I mean, your future happiness as a fulfilled woman is at stake! I’ll do whatever I can to be a part of fulfilling your needs for kissing expertise to one day help you find true love.**

Adrien got out of the town car and started making his way to the locker room. He had less than fifteen minutes to get a quick shower and changed.

**Marinette [12:47]: Ugh, true love! Don’t remind me. This is hopeless! I mean, it doesn’t matter how good I get at kissing if I can never work up the nerve to tell him how I feel.**

**Adrien [12:47]: Who? Luka?**

**Marinette [12:47]: Adrien!**

Adrien laughed. She was obviously sensitive about her crush on the guitarist. He could almost see Marinette with her hands on her hips, exasperatedly calling him out. Actually, he couldn’t quite imagine it. Maybe when she was calling Alya out, but Marinette was never this brusque when _he_ tried to tease her. All the more reason to guess that Alya was with Nino on this little prank. Well, he’ll play along, contrite.

**Adrien [12:48]: OK, OK. Sorry. :) But it’s not like one guy is the beginning and end of all your happiness.**

Hook …

**Adrien [12:48]: You gotta expand your horizons a bit.**

Line …

**Marinette [12:48]: But I love him so much!**

Wow, Luka was so lucky … But not to get distracted!

**Adrien [12:49]: Well, maybe you need a little push to see other possibilities … I mean, with a little imagination, we would make a pretty cute couple.**

Aaaand … sinker. Would she take the bait?

**Marinette [12:50]: C’mon and admit you just wanna get in my pants ;)**

Wow, that was easy. Adrien laughed at Alya’s audacity. As if sweet Marinette would ever say something so crass to a boy. Well, time to reel her in.

**Adrien [12:51]: Since when did pants come into this?? I figured lips definitely, a little necking, and maaaaybe we lose our shirts, but hey, if you’re offering to lose the pants, I’d loooove to see where this goes ;)**

Adrien grabbed his shampoo and towel, hoping he didn’t get his phone wet if he left it next to the shower. At this rate, he was going to be late.

**Marinette [12:52]: And what about Nino?**

What _about_ Nino? Did they still want him to agree to the threesome? Seems a bit of a step back in the conversation, especially when he almost landed those two. Well, let’s nip that in the bud.

**Adrien [12:52]: What _about_ Nino? Trust me, it’s best if we just leave him out of this equation. I have it on very good authority that he’s a terrible kisser. He’d be a very bad co-tutor. And if we keep it on the low-down, he won’t have any reason to be jealous. **

He turned on the water

**Marinette [12:53]: Ok, this is obviously a bad idea. I do NOT want to get between you and Nino. You know how I feel about honesty being foundational to a healthy relationship and I can’t believe you would do that to him.**

Do what, not offer to _share_ Marinette with Nino? That sounded soooooo creepy. There’s no way she would actually say something like that. These clowns were grasping at straws here. They’re probably just mad he said Nino was a bad kisser. Adrien looked at his watch. Damn, he was going to be late. No more time to play their game. Honestly, he probably should have called them on their shit twenty minutes ago.

**Adrien [12:55]: Look, this has gone on far enough. I‘ve gotta go. Can you just admit that it’s you and this is all a prank? I don’t want things things to be awkward for her this afternoon.**

Adrien stepped into the lukewarm shower and quickly tried to get the product out of his hair. Ugh, he was going to have to shampoo it twice and then he’d still have wet hair under his helmet. That was never fun when he started sweating. He heard a ping while he scrubbed and went to look after shutting off the water and drying off his hands.

**Marinette [12:58]: Awkward for who?**

Awkward for who?? Those assholes knew exactly WHO. Honestly, April Fools or not, these two were a couple of Grade A-is-for-Asshole friends.

**Adrien [13:04]: Marinette.**

**Marinette [13:05]: What?**

Playing dumb, now? Throwing a towel around his waist, he typed furiously while walking back to his locker.

**Adrien [13:08]: Fine, be the asshole. I’m fine with being the butt of your little joke, but she’s too sweet and good for you. I don’t want her to be more uncomfortable around me than she already is, you know.**

He dressed quickly, trying to come up with a mature and reasonable excuse for being late for practice, when his phone chimed again.

**Marinette [13:10]: WHO’S too sweet and good? Who’s uncomfortable?**

**Adrien [13:11]: Marinette!**

**Marinette [13:12]: WHAT??**

They’re just gonna keep it up? Whatever. He was done. He threw on his clothes and grabbed his phone.

**Adrien [13:14]: I have to go. We can hang out later this afternoon, but only after you admit you’re being immature and apologize.**

Adrien pulled up Nino’s last text.

**Adrien [13:15]: You fuckers are on notice. This isn’t funny anymore. I swear, if you make things weird for Mari, I will end your sorry asses.**

Throwing his phone into his locker with more force than necessary (making a slight effort to hit the pile of clothes and not the metal), he grabbed his helmet stormed out of the locker room.


	3. Investigating the Crime Scene

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In Which Nino is confused, Alya is excited, and Marinette is pissed.

Nino was lounging on his bed, doing some research on a new band he’d heard the day before, when his phone chimed.

**Adrien [12:22]: Hey dude, I’ve got fencing until 1430 and then have free time until 1700. Can we meet up at like 1600, though? I need to help Marinette with a little problem first.**

An hour and a half to help Mari with a problem? Nino turned to Alya, who was sitting at his desk furiously editing her latest article for the Ladyblog.

“Hey babe, have you talked to Mari today?”

Without turning around, Alya answered only slightly distractedly, “She likes to sleep in on Saturday and … she … didn’t want … to … third wheel … us …” Alya’s response faded out as inspiration hit and she made a few frantic edits to what she was writing. After a minute or two, she turned and faced Nino. “Yeah, she said not to call her before mid-afternoon because she was planning on sleeping until ten and helping her parents out between eleven and three.”

Nino looked back at the text. Maybe Adrien was going to help at the bakery? But Alya said she was only needed there until two. Maybe it was something they could all help out with. That way he wouldn’t lose his bro-time and Mari would feel supported.

**Nino [12:30]: Ooh, is Mari ok? Anything I can help with?**

Adrien answered almost immediately.

**Adrien [12:31]: Oh, nothing I can’t handle between just the two of us. We can meet up with you and Alya afterwards and I can fill you in on all the details.**

Nino shrugged. Alya was always trying to throw those two together, so it was probably best if he didn’t get involved. And if he mentioned it to Alya, she would spend the next few hours squealing about ships sailing or something and he was really enjoying the peaceful time they were having hanging out together. Adrien seemed to have things handled, whatever Marinette was going through. Tossing his phone back on his bedspread, he turned back to his laptop and started looking at that new band’s most recent album. Plugging his headphones in, he pulled up some of the tracks.

\--------------------------

A little after 1pm, he and Alya headed down to his kitchen to make some lunch. He was just laying out the fixings for some sandwiches when he heard his phone chime from the other room. Maybe it was Max finally offering to come over and help him upgrade his speakers, since it was definitely too early for Adrien to be getting back to him. Nino knew he had fencing from 1:00-2:30. He picked up the phone and frowned.

**Adrien [13:15]: You fuckers are on notice. This isn’t funny anymore. I swear, if you make things weird for Mari, I will end your sorry asses.**

What. The. Fuck.

Had Adrien just gone off the rails on him? He looked back at the previous messages, wondering what had set his boy off like that. Something about Marinette having a problem, Nino offered to help, Adrien said they had it handled. And now this.

**Nino [13:20]: Uh, dude, what?**

**Nino [13:22]: Seriously, man, what did we do?**

**Nino [13:23]: I hope you’re at fencing and not ignoring me, but seriously, call me when you get out.**

“Hey Alya,” Nino called to the other room, “you said Marinette was helping out in the bakery until three? Has she texted you at all this morning? Apparently, she texted Adrien about a problem or something…?” He figured he should start with the first issue and work up to the last text.

Silence greeted him from the other room, so he walked down the hall to check if Alya had heard him, only to see her trying to smother a guilty-gleeful smile behind her phone.

“She texted Adrien?” she snickered.

“Yeah, and now he’s fuckin’ pissed at me for some reason.” Nino puzzled over that last text.

“What? Oh shit, what did that girl say to him?!” Alya clapped her hands over her mouth, shaking her head in dismay, but he could still hear the unholy glee behind her hands.

“Babe.” Nino knew enough to know he knew too little. He fixed his girlfriend with a firm glare. “I’m totally confused right now. But I’m guessing you know what’s going on.”

“Ok, in my defense, it IS April Fool’s Day and it was _supposed_ to be a joke!” Alya waved her hands defensively in front of her. “And maybe I wanted to fix our girl’s _communication breakdown_ problem at the same time!”

“Alya, babe, what did you do?”

“I _may_ have swapped Adrien’s and my names in Mari’s phone last night.” She tried for a contrite look, but that damned smirk was still tugging at her lips, ruining the effect.

“And why would you do that?” Nino demanded patiently. He could feel a headache coming on.

“Because it was gonna be funny! Also, look,” she pulled out her phone, pulling up the text thread from Marinette. “Sixty percent of the texts she sends me are her asking me to proofread scripts for her confessing her undying love for our sunshine boy, so I figured maybe she could send it straight to him without the stress of knowing she was doing it! Problem solved, and _funny story to tell at their wedding_!”

Nino started looking over the texts between the girls. He caught his name in there a few times, but Alya snatched her phone back before he got more than the general gist of the conversation.

“Hey, you don’t look through a girl’s purse and you don’t read her text messages from her BFF.” Alya muttered as she closed the app. Deciding to not pursue the fact that she had practically shoved it in his face in the first place, he decided to follow the rabbit hole of fallout from of her April Fool’s prank.

“So, then what happened?” Nino needed to figure out why Adrien was so upset.

“I don’t know! She _hasn’t texted me_ , by which I mean she hasn’t texted ‘Adrien,’ but is that really a surprise? Actually, I wonder what she would say if I did text her out of the blue…” Alya let out a maniacal chuckle and Nino tried to bring her back to the subject at hand.

“So, Marinette texted Adrien, thinking it was you, and now Adrien is mad at me. And probably you, too. He did say ‘fuckers’ in the plural.”

Alya snatched Nino’s phone, reading over the most recent exchanges between him and Adrien. Nino refrained from calling her on her double standard. Apparently texts between bros lacks the sacred bond of texts between BFFs.

“…fencing…little problem…fill in on details…” Alya muttered over the last few exchanges before getting to the last one. “We’re ‘on notice?!’ And we’d better not ‘make things weird for Mari?’ Oooh, so protective! I wonder what got sunshine’s Gabriel-brand-panties in a twist!” Alya was obviously not feeling the same level of alarm at Adrien’s text as Nino.

“Maybe you should ask Marinette. Adrien is probably in fencing and definitely not answering my texts.”

“Yeah, I see that. Wait! I can’t text Marinette and ask her what’s going on! _She’ll think I’m Adrien_ and just reply with a keyboard mash or ‘meep!’ Babe, you’d better text her.” Alya pushed Nino’s phone back into his hands and sat back expectantly.

“You think she’ll tell me? Why can’t you just own up to the prank and ask her yourself? She’s probably already figured it out, if Adrien is so mad.” Sure, Nino and Marinette were friends, but this seemed more girl-talk territory.

“Look, we don’t know what is going on, but before we contaminate the crime scene with our own revelations,” _crime scene, indeed_ ; yeah, his girl was definitely working up a good excuse to not confess to Marinette, “we should see what evidence we can gather.”

Nino sighed. He loved his girl, but damn did she work up some crazy shenanigans. And somehow, he always found himself in the middle of them.

Nino pulled up Marinette’s phone number.

**Nino [13:45]: Hey Mari, how’s it going?**

“No, you need to ask her if she’s talked to ‘me’ today!” Alya micro-managed, reading over his shoulder.

**Nino [13:46]: Hey, have you texted Alya at all today? I can’t get a hold of her.**

“Ooh, good move, acting like I’m not answering. Unless she remembers I said we were gonna chill this morning together, but maybe that’s why you’re texting – because I flaked!”

Nino was definitely getting a headache from trying to juggle the reality that was a hyperactive Alya behind him and the fiction that he was spending a nice, quiet, drama-free afternoon by himself.

**Marinette [13:47]: I think we just got into a fight. I’m honestly a bit confused and more than a little pissed. She obviously has her phone now, though she apparently didn’t have it all morning.**

Alya gasped into Nino’s ear. “She hasn’t figured out the switch yet?! Holy shit, _what did she say_? They got in a fight? What did _he_ say?”

**Nino [13:48]: Why are you pissed?**

“Ooh, good question.” It was like sitting in a theater with an especially chatty narrator in the row behind you. He watched as the “…” showed up on the screen, disappeared, then showed up again. She was typing, erasing, and retyping something.

**Marinette [13:53]: I’m not going to be the one to tell you. You two need to work out your relationship issues yourselves.**

“ _Our_ relationship issues? Why were they talking about _our relationship_?” Alya wondered out loud. Silently, Nino wondered if he said he had to use the bathroom if she would follow him in there. More likely, she would take his phone and the remainder of his control over his texting identity would be gone. On the plus side, he’d be free from the drama, but only until “his” texts caught up with him. Alya needed a rein in this situation and, like all too often before, that fell on the shoulders of her level-headed boyfriend. With a sigh, Nino dug a little deeper.

**Nino [13:54]: Our relationship? Like, between me and Alya?**

**Marinette [13:55]: Yes, your RELATIONSHIP. You know, the _committed_ , _exclusive_ relationship you’ve had for the last four years? Ask Alya about it, she’ll know what I’m talking about.**

“Ok, so obviously they were talking about us and Mari thinks I’m … cheating on you?” Alya’s eyes lit up. “OH, do you think he asked her out? As me??!” She had the audacity to laugh at the idea. Apparently rumors of her own infidelity paled in comparison to the idea of their best friends potentially dating.

**Nino [13:57]: Ok, you’re worrying me. What _exactly_ did Alya _say_?**

“Yeah, I want the exact words, too! I’m gonna embroider them onto a pillow for their wedding!” Alya squealed, clapping her hands.

**Marinette [13:58]: Like I said, it’s not really for me to say. Suffice to say, I’m not getting between you two.**

“Get between us…” Nino muttered under his breath before turning to Alya. “Babe, you’re gonna have to come clean to her.”

“You’re right! She needs to know that _Adrien_ asked her out, not me!” Alya tapped her lips for a pensive moment. “But how to break it to her without out _breaking_ her?”

No matter how they unwove this tangled web, Nino had the feeling that his hang-out time with his bro this afternoon was going to be completely ruined.


	4. In Which There is a Confession

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Marinette's day goes from bad to worse. Also, Tikki makes an appearance as the only honest soul in this farce of a day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey y'all! It's been a minute and I apologize for nothing! XD  
> Enjoy the suffering!

Marinette stormed up to her room, her parents having sent her away from the bakery early because her distracted texting was becoming more of a liability than the extra hands were worth (at least, according to two batches of burnt macarons and some poorly frosted cupcakes). With a huff, she threw the phone down on her bed, frustrated and more than a little pissed. This wasn’t how things were supposed to go. It was _supposed_ to be a little April Fool’s joke. Ok, maybe half a joke. Ok, so maybe she kindof wanted to _test the waters_ of how receptive Alya would be to the idea of kissing practice (she was _sooo clingly_ and affectionate with a couple of drinks in her), all the while holding an “April Fool’s, sucker!” in her back pocket if things got awkward or Alya wasn’t actually as interested as Marinette assumed. But then Alya answered back and before she knew it, here they were, with Marinette calling Alya out on suggesting they go behind Nino’s back and Alya implying that she was … being immature? What did that even mean?

And now Nino was texting her, asking what was going on. Well, Alya dug this grave, she needed to own up to it. Marinette was _not_ going to be painted as the bad guy here. Nope, let them work through their trust issues and then Alya could apologize to her and maybe they could just forget the whole thing. She was really looking forward to hanging out with the group (and _Adrien_ ) and if Alya’s little “let’s make out behind Nino’s back” stunt interfered with that, she was going to be sooooo pissed.

She stomped her way over to her desk, hoping to distract herself from the drama, when she heard her phone buzz again. And again. By the third time, she figured it was probably Alya (that girl had _no chill_ when she was trying to get Marinette’s attention) and in the hopes that it was an apology and they could resolve things before Adrien finished fencing practice, she stomped her way back to her bed. Reaching up to grab the phone off the loft bed, she glanced at the notifications and immediately dropped the phone with a yelp like it was on fire.

3 New Messages from ** <3 Adrien <3**

Ohshitohshitohshit. _Adrien had texted her_. Not to the group text, but _her_. _THREE TIMES._ Had he _ever_ texted her before? She was sure she would have remembered if he’d ever texted her before. Why would he text her? What should she do?

Picking up the phone, she opened her text messages, shying away from the Pandora’s Box of those “3 New Messages from **< 3 Adrien <3**” and falling to her default support system: Alya.

**Marinette [14:05]:** Oh shit, oh shit, oh shit. _ADRIEN is texting me, what do I do?!_

Marinette paced the floor, glancing down every few seconds, hoping for those three little “…” indicating her guru would guide her through this latest minefield. Because _of course_ Adrien would text her for the first time right after she and Alya got into a fight!

**Marinette [14:07]:** Look, I’M SORRY. PLEASE ANSWER.

She paused, then shook her head, texting furiously.

**Marinette [14:07]:** Well, I’m not actually sorry because that was a shitty thing to do to Nino and I hold by my opinion there, but I NEED YOUR HELP, so can I be sorry *just enough* for you to forgive me and tell me WHAT DO I DO?!

Radio silence. Why was she being like this?!

**Marinette [14:09]:** WHY ARE YOU BEING LIKE THIS? I thought you were my friend. I thought you were Team Adrinette and this might be my only chance at true love and you’re gonna pout?!

**Marinette [14:10]:** ALYA. THE MAN I LOVE IS TEXTING ME AND YOU CANNOT LEAVE ME TO TEXT HIM BACK ALONE.

**Marinette [14:12]:** Argh! Fine. Screw you, too.

She was breathing too fast, she needed to lie down. Maybe she needed to take another bath. No, she _needed_ to read those text messages from Adrien; no, she couldn’t do that without _someone_ supporting her or she’d just answer with a keyboard mash or “meep” or something equally embarrassing. She looked at the “3 New Messages from **< 3 Adrien <3**” until she was sure her phone would burst into flame from the intensity of her stare. So, when it started buzzing with an incoming call, her reaction was fairly understandable. She yelped and threw the troublesome device across the room before even noting _who_ was calling her.

“Ouch!” Tikki flew out from her little bed, holding the buzzing phone and giving Marinette a confused and slightly hurt look.

“Oh Tikki, I’m so sorry! Are you ok?” Marinette cried out, starting to rush over to check on her kwami before glancing at the phone, still buzzing. “Um, who—who’s c-calling? Can you see?” She winced.

The phone stilled as Tikki glanced down at the screen. “Oh, you missed a call from Adrien! Oh Marinette, you should call him back!” Tikki exclaimed with sunshine and rainbows in her voice. She looked at her wielder and took on an exasperated look as Marinette started hyperventilating. “Marinette,” she said patiently, “Adrien is your _friend_ ,” Marinette tried very hard not to wince at the distasteful word, “and it’s not very friendly to ignore his calls … and messages” she added, looking at the unread messages.

The phone started buzzing again. Tikki glanced at the screen and looked up hopefully. “Ok, now it’s Nino. You can talk to Nino, right?” Tikki held the phone up, showing Marinette the innocuous caller.

Marinette took the phone back from her kwami and pressed the Accept button.

“Hel—”

“Ok, gurl, just gimme a second and listen before you bite my head off,” Alya started.

“Alya! He’s texting me and calling me and I don’t know what to do and why aren’t you answering you texts and why are you calling from Nino’s phone and I cannot believe you right now with Nino and have you even told him why I’m so mad at you because he asked and I’m not about to tell him because you should really own up to that yourself and work on the trust in your relationship because seriously it was _all supposed to be a joke, I swear!_ ” Marinette had gotten pretty good at talking without pausing for breath when she was well and truly worked up. She paced back and forth across her room, gesticulating wildly with Tikki flying to a safe distance from her chosen’s flailing limbs.

“Hot damn, girl, you done? Got it all out of your system? Because honestly, I need you to _listen to me_ and then we can untangle this little situation, okay?” Alya was obviously trying to hold back a laugh and it made Marinette bristle all the more.

“Fine, but make it quick. We only have … fifteen minutes before Adrien gets out of fencing class and wait a minute why is he texting me when he’s supposed to be at fencing? Maybe I should read them, it might be an emergency or maybe he doesn’t want to hang out with me and he’s trying to let me down gently, or maybe—”

“Marinette! Stop!” Alya wasn’t even trying to hold back her laughter at this point. “Ok, lemme start with: April Fools! I … may have swapped Adrien’s and my numbers in your phone.”

…

Pause. Marinette came to a dead stop in the middle of her room. The world seemed to slow and every line of text between her and her assumed best friend sped through her mind like a tornado.

“What.”

“Look, I know you have a hard time talking to the boy and thought that maybe if you were just honest with him—”

“WHAT??! HONEST?! ALYA! I ASKED HIM TO MAKE OUT WITH ME!!”

“What??! Why did you—how did this—??” for such a verbose person, Alya was having a hard time processing this leap in the conversation.

“Ok,” Marinette took a deep breath, knowing this was going to take a minute. Putting Alya on speaker, she pulled up her texts, seeing everything in a whole new light. “So, I texted asking if you wanted to practice kissing, _totally as an April Fool’s joke_ , and you were playing along and I said maybe we could involve Nino, _again, total April Fool’s joke,_ and you said we should just keep it a secret between the two of us and I accused you of being a bad girlfriend and you said I was an asshole and we had a fight then _Adrien_ texted me, wait I mean _you_ texted me (oooooh, those are _your_ text messages, I was totally freaking out) and I texted _you_ _for help_ but you weren’t answering, but ooooooooh it was really _Adrien_ and … ahhhh…. I said ‘I thought you were Team Adrienette’ and sent it to _him_ and ---"

Fuck. Marinette looked at her watch.

“Alya, we need to steal Adrien’s phone _right now._ ”


End file.
